KatieVM

Okay so... let's say there's a comic author I'm fond of. And that alarmingly often his characters show traits of that peculiarly insidious condition known as moral scrupulosity OCD. Thinking of something then shaking their head like an etch-a-sketch to disavow it is certainly something that could hypothetically show up simply as a result of it being visually interesting to have a character feel... guilt... over... a thought... and... yeah no the allegations are not being easily beat on that one. Or waving it away with a hand, that's another one I have to resist doing.
It's frequent enough that I just... really really do think they've got this problem too, y'know?
Now, my sexuality was fraught and difficult to explore despite considerable support from a number of people because my mind's eye was plagued by horrific sexually violent, and just generally violent, imagery. That's with considerable support. I'm literally afraid to touch people. (I'm also afraid to be touched because of PTSD, but it's largely distinct.)
If this artist grew up in a less supportive environment, god only knows what that guilt might apply to.

A few years ago, this artist, who is the same age as I am, finally started trying out certain overtly sexual art. They seemed to enjoy it, inconsistently but doing so when they found they had an interest in doing so.
It was furtive, shy.
There are countless artists and just people in general who never have an interest in sexuality in that manner, and that's fine, but if someone did finally feel ready to explore such things in their damn forties, we owe it to them to try it on, see what they want out of it, decide afresh their relationship with it.

And now...
The rise of fascism has clamped down, reminded them that they believed this was not good of them to engage with, that them doing so is wrong. Nobody else, just... them. Just us.

I'm reading a lot into this situation. But I've seen how this artist responds when they think they've hurt someone or done something wrong, I've seen the furtive forays into their charming trying out of sexuality, I've seen their characters time and time again consider themselves monstrous for nothing.

As the constantly shifting, ridiculous standards clamp down tighter and more arbitrarily, they have suddenly removed a lot of art they made. Years of art. Much of it very sweet, very cute, and also some of it rather horny, which is very much very sweet and cute.

I want to find these people doing this to us and throttle them. This isn't good when they do it to me, but at least I've got a good foothold, at least I've got a firm grip on what's right and wrong vs. what's just my fucked up intrusive thoughts. I'm not going around deleting vast swaths of my art, even art that doesn't seem like it would be clamped down upon, out of sudden fear and shame. I admittedly don't have it to do so with.

I see this a lot. People I know, even, who want to engage with something, then flee from it like it burned them because something in their heads won't leave them alone for it.

Our society is twisting people into knots, and it's the wrong people being wrung out and hurt.

Half convinced my body is down to 55% water or less.

So, turns out I actually really like Blue Comet SPT Layzner.
Like, I really want to know more about these characters, who are delightfully complex and nuanced, and I want to know more about where this story is going.

Ever go a whole night never rolling higher than a 2?